Alexei Ramirez and Shrinkage


“I just got back from playing in April… and the temperature was cold…”

I’ve nearly finished my projections for the Shortstop position and it looks like Alexei Ramirez is going to be ranked as high as No. 4. I’m pretty sure I would take him over Derek Jeter and I’m confident I’d take him over Jimmy Rollins. I plan on owning multiple shares of Alexei Ramirez, but drafting him isn’t necessarily apart of those plans. Make the jump to see Alexei’s early season shrinkage (safe for work) and my plans to help him defect from your team to mine.

Yes! Significant Shrinkage. Alexei’s split stats are basically thermometer readings. He starts with low numbers in April, shows signs of warming up in May and gets hot in the summer time; only to cool slightly in September. It has happened in each of his three seasons in Major League Baseball and it will continue to happen until the sun runs out of hydrogen. I think it’s obvious the Cuban-born infielder doesn’t like cold weather (look at him shivering in the above pic).

Complete Misapprehension and Feeling Short Changed. Many Fantasy Baseball managers will draft the White Sox starting Shortstop and regret that decision three or four weeks into the season. Alexei Ramirez is the owner of a .518 career OPS in the month of April. He has hit two HR in 178 March/April At Bats. He’s had a bad first month of each of his first three seasons and there’s no hope in sight. Al Gore (the guy who invented the Internet) is making sure April temperatures will remain low. Our goal is to take advantage of these managers who feel short changed. We must Buy Low when the end of April is in sight.

Do Women Know About Shrinkage? Does the manager who drafted Alexei know he shrinks like a frightened turtle? Is this common knowledge? Hopefully the answer is, No, because that’s the only way I’ll be able to help Alexei defect to my team. Am I really planning on someone not knowing about Alexei’s early season struggles? No, but I will low-ball a few managers at the end of April. This is more of a reminder for those who do draft him, be ready for four weeks of bad numbers. Don’t send him packing for a hot-hitting J.J. Hardy or Jack Wilson. Instead, try a piece of gum; maybe the chewing will help Alexei warm up.