Band of Boxscores 5/9

All is fair in love and fantasy baseball. If you’re new to the game, the only hope you have is to accept the fact that you’ve already lost. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to function as a manager is supposed to function: without mercy, without compassion, without remorse. Winning depends upon it. Arm yourselves and be ye men of valor; for we few, we happy few, we band of brothers shall embark upon a land of bullets, triple slashes and pulled hamstrings.

What is up with Mad Max Scherzer? He was worked over by CLE today [5 IP, 5 ER, 9 H, 3 BB, 4 K] and now has a 1.68 WHIP and 6.81 ERA. Jim Leyland said, “He made a couple bad pitches, obviously”. I was expecting some regression, but damn Gina, I didn’t expect this much. So what gives? Obviously he left the NL West for the AL Central, but he has also lost a full 2 mph on his fastball. He throws that sucker almost 70% of the time and it has a value of 5.9 runs below average. The strikeouts are way down, his 5.91 K/9 coming into today is a far cry from his 9.19 K/9 from last year. The scary part is, he is getting batters to swing at pitches outside the zone more often (they’re making good contact 72%, league avg is 64.9). Max’s BB/9 is better than last year, his BABIP is sitting at his career avg, but his WHIP is not cracking. Mad Max is getting his ass kicked in the Thunderdome, might be time to bail if he doesn’t recover the lost velocity. I’m starting to wonder about his shoulder, he has experienced right shoulder tightness, fatigue, inflammation and tendinitis in the past.

Bobby Jenks was awful, getting no Outs and allowing 3 ER on 4 Hits vs TOR. He blew the Save, his first BS, and his numbers look terrible (2.17 WHIP, 6.75 ERA). Ozzie Guillen may give him a temporary break as closer, look for Matt Thornton to run away with the job. Thornton has been lights out since 2008 (1.00 WHIP, 2.68 ERA, 187 K in 154.1 IP) and sports a 14.11 K/9 and 11.50 K/BB this season. Jenks doesn’t stand a chance. When asked about the temporary change, Jenks responded, “No, doesn’t even make sense”. Sorry Booby, the only thing that doesn’t make sense is what is on your chin, bitch. Take that upside your grill piece.

Derek Holland will be called up to pitch on Wednesday in place of Matt Harrison, who is expected to hit the DL soon. You may remember Holland as the highly prized prospect who was called up a little too early last season. Pitching in TEX is no picnic, but Holland has the tools to succeed. He has a high K Rate, low Walk Rate and has shown the ability to induce ground balls in the minors. Pitching in AAA PCL this year, the 23 year old has been pretty darn good: 4-1, 1.01 WHIP, 0.93 ERA, 37 K in 38.2 IP. This is a good one to speculate on and grab now. One good start and he will be hyped up through the roof.

Call in the Reinforcements Kerry Wood came in to close… the 7th inning. Coach says he’s in the closer role on Tuesday. Chris Perez recorded his 5th Save, I’m guessing he finishes the season with 15 Saves. Brian Wilson struck out 5 of the 6 batters he faced to lock up his 7th Save. Tyler Clippard got his 6th vulture Win and Matt Capps pitched a clean 9th for his 13th Save (the Nats have 17 Wins). Brad Lidge finally got his first Save, he pitched a clean Inning. Heath Bell blew a Save, but he didn’t allow a Hit, Walk or Earned Run. Not Heath’s fault.

Body Count Luis Castillo (bruised heel) wasn’t in the lineup. Bengie Molina (tight hamstring) wasn’t in the lineup, he hopes to play on Tuesday. Chipper Jones (vagina) didn’t play, he is listed as day-to-day. Adrian Gonzalez (sore shoulder) was held out of the starting lineup, but he came in as a defensive replacement in the Ninth. Nelson Cruz will play in rehabilitation games on Tuesday and Wednesday. Carlos Gonzalez returned to Venezuela for a funeral, he is expected back on Wednesday. Casey Kotchman (sore ankle) rested today after being hit by a pitch on Saturday. Mike Cameron will soon make a rehab appearance at AAA.

Mercenaries: soldiers for hire (less than 60% owned)
57% Garrett Jones 1/4, 2 RBI(22)
55% Dallas Braden 9 IP, 0 ER, 0 H, 0 BB, 6 K, Perfect Game
52% Juan Uribe 0/0, R, RBI, 4 BB
52% Liván Hernández 7 IP, ER, 5 H, BB, 3 K
51% Adam LaRoche 1/4, RBI
51% David Freese 0/4, 2 R, RBI, 2 BB
48% David Ortiz 1/4, R, RBI, 2B
47% Josh Willingham 1/2, HR(6), R, RBI, 2 BB
43% J.D. Drew 2/3, R, RBI
41% Chris Coghlan 3/4, R
37% Julio Borbon 2/4, R
34% Juan Pierre 2/4, 2 RBI
29% Corey Hart 2/4, R, 3B
29% Cliff Pennington 1/5, R
21% Ike Davis 2/3, RBI, 2 BB
20% Mike Leake 7 IP, 3 ER, 4 H, BB, 6 K, Win, 1.20 WHIP, 3.10 ERA
18% Austin Kearns 1/4, 2 R, BB
17% Ian Kennedy 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 H, BB, 5 K
17% Nick Blackburn 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 H, 2 BB, 0 K, Win
16% Jose Bautista 1/4, RBI, 2B, BB
13% Aaron Rowand 1/4, HR(4), 2 R, 2 RBI, BB
13% Ian Desmond 2/4
12% Carlos Ruiz 1/2, BB, .325 AVG
9% Jason Vargas 7.1 IP, 0 ER, 4 H, 2 BB, 4 K, Win
9% Tim Stauffer 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 H, 0 BB, K
8% Ryan Sweeney 2/4, RBI
7% Travis Snider 1/5, RBI, 2B
7% Mike Aviles 3/4, HR(2), 2 R, RBI, .417 AVG
7% Adam Kennedy 1/3, R, BB
6% Daric Barton 3/5, 2 R
5% Troy Glaus 2/3, 2 RBI, BB
5% David Murphy 3/4, R, 2 RBI, 2B
4% Nate Schierholtz 1/5, R
4% Lastings Milledge 1/4, R
4% Adam Rosales 1/3, 2B, BB
4% Omar Infante 3/5, R, 2B
3% Fred Lewis 1/5, HR(2), R, 3 RBI, .294 AVG, leadoff hitter
3% Brendan Ryan 1/4, RBI, BB
3% Jeremy Hermida 2/4, HR(4), R, 3 RBI
3% Ángel Pagán 2/4, R
2% Starlin Castro 1/3
2% Jonny Gomes 1/4, R, RBI, SB, 2B
2% Ramón Hernández 2/3, 2B, BB
2% Jeff Clement 1/4, R
2% Tyler Colvin 1/3, HR(4), R, 2 RBI
2% Blake DeWitt 1/3, R, 2B
2% Gregg Zaun 1/4, HR(2), R, RBI
1% Ramón Santiago 1/3, BB
1% Tony Gwynn 2/5, RBI, SB(7)
1% Chris Narveson 5.2 IP, ER, 3 H, 2 BB, 8 K, Win
1% Brendan Harris 3/4, 2 R, 2B
1% Andrés Torres 1/2, SB(4), 3 BB
1% The Nick Punto 2/3, 2 RBI
1% Jack Wilson 3/3, HR(1), 2 R, 3 RBI, 3B, BB
1% Jamey Carroll 1/3, RBI
0% Max Ramirez 1/2, RBI, 2B, BB
0% Michael Saunders 2/4, HR(1), 2 R, 2 RBI
0% Nick Stavinoha 1/3, 2 RBI, 2B
0% Matt Downs 2/5, RBI
0% Mark Grudzielanek 3/4, R, 2 RBI, SB(1), .281 AVG
0% Andy Marte 1/2, R, 3 RBI, 3B, BB
0% Adam Moore 1/4, RBI
0% Mitch Maier 2/4, R, 2 RBI, 2B
0% Joe Mather 2/6, 2 R, RBI
0% Tyler Greene 1/4, 2 R, RBI, SB, 2B

Universal Soldier Awards
Jean Claude Van Damme Clayton Kershaw 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 H, 3 BB, 9 K, Win
Dolph Lundgren Ubaldo Jimenez 7 IP, ER, 2 H, 4 BB, 5 K
Michael Jai White Alex Rios 4/4, HR(6), 3 R, RBI, 2B, BB
Andre Arvloski John Lester 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 H, 2 BB, 7 K, Win
Bill Goldberg Vernon Wells 3/5, HR(9), 2 R, 2 RBI

Quote of the Day “I’ve got to go out there and play angry, just like I’m fighting for my life every time I’m in the batter’s box, kind of the way I came up and the way I’ve always done. A lot of people say, ‘Relax and have fun.’ That’s not the way I succeed.” -Hunter Pence