Fantasy Baseball Team Names: Funniest Collection… Ever

What My Draft Room Looks Like
Photo Credit: D.H. Parks

Team names. Everyone wants the best one in their league, but maybe your rival owners are more clever and handsome than you are. No worries. You can borrow some Sons of Roto swag by picking one of these uniquely crafted fantasy baseball team names. You’re welcome.

More after the jump:

Advanced Statistics Based Team Names
The Black OPS
I Bench Linear Weights
Da Ends Regress 2 Da Means
Doing WHIP-ets
The ERA of Terror
ISO Horny
It's Like wOBA
The WAR Mongers
We Down With OBP
SABR Tooth  

Sexual Reference Team Names
The Buchholz Surfers
Bust-her Posey
Bust On Her Bonifacio
The But Tholes
The Choo Balls
Charlie’s Furbush
Choo Girls, One Cup (provided by CROCKETT)
Chupa Mi Pena
Courtesy Ichiround (provided by jbull)
Dee’s (Gordon) Nuts
Fister? I Hardly Know Her
Fister Til She's Soria (provided by CROCKETT)
I Chase Slutleys
I Wanna Fuck U Like An Anibal
Jarrod’s Salty Balls
Jizz In My Pence (provided by CROCKETT)
Lincecum In Your Pujols
Lonnie Chins N’ Balls
Madison’s Bum-guarder
Max Scherzer Videos
Mat Gamel Toe
Morneau After Pill
Napoli Headed Hoes
Pablo’s Sandy-balls
The Pap Smears
Penny’s Envy
The Posey Magnets
The Pubic LaHairs
She Got Mous’ Knuckles
She Got A Hairy Boesch
Stauffer? I Hardly Know Her
Suck My Markockis
Tabata Dat Ass
Two Uptons, One Cup
Want To Touch The Heisey
You Smoak Cock

Offensive Team Names (To People Who Can’t Take a Joke)
Angels in the Intersection (provided by "guest")
Braun’s Hasidic Growth Hormones
Ells Palsy
Kinsler's List (provided by CROCKETT)
Matt Downs Syndrome
Party At Josh Hamilton’s Crib
Wilson Ramos Rescue Rangers

Drug/Alcohol Reference Team Names
Aroldis Swisher & Smoak It (provided by CROCKETT)
CokeCain Is A Hellickson Of A Drug (provided by CROCKETT)
Danks Buds
Danks+Swisher=Smoak (provided by wigglebang)
Doing Freese-rs
Escobar Cartel
The Harmon BrewKillahs
Let’s Burnett Down
Lorenzo’s Co-Cain Oil
Mota+Swisher=Smoak (provided by wigglebang)
Smoking Swisher Sweets
Smoking Wieters
Vlad The Inhaler

Religion-Themed Team Names
DeJesus Walks
God Loves Uggla
Hava Avila
The Pagan Angels

Teams Based On Player Names
Andrew Dice-K
Biff It Like Beckham
Big League Choo
Boesch.0 (provided by CROCKETT)
Bourn to Steal
Bud Norris Facts
Buffalo Billingsley
Bust a Capps In Yo Ass
The Cahills Have Eyes (provided by CROCKETT)
Cain is Able
Can’t Find A Betemit
The Chone ‘Nuffs
Choo-Tang Clan
The Constant Gardner
Corey the Hitman Hart
Don’t Goedert
Duda Math
The Cuddyer Straits
The Dempster Babies
Dempster Diving
Fat Elvis Impersonators
For Whom Heath Bell Tolls
The Gift of Gaby Sanchez
Grand Theft Votto (provided by CROCKETT)
J.J.’s Hardy Boys
The Hart Foundation
Honey Nut Ichiros
Huston, We Have a Problem
Ianetta, Hear Me Roar
Ichiro & Scratchiro
Jair Jair Binx
(Jay) Bruce Strength
Joey Vottofucoco
Keep My Kemp Hand Strong (provided by dogtreat04)
Kemp Anawanna (provided by CROCKETT)
The Kempire Strikes Back (provided by CROCKETT)
KFC Pandas
LaPorta Potties
Lawrie & Order
Life is Beachy
The Lyon Sleeps Tonight
Markakis Ass Sea-Bass (provided by rangers8907)
Marky Marcum and the Funky Bunch
The Melky Ways
MF Doumit
The Morel of the Story
Moving On Upton
Neil Sky Walker
Nelson Cruz Missiles
The Not-so-Pretty Nolascos
The Octavio Do Tells
Picture Me Rolen
Pretty Dan Uggla (provided by justin)
The Quasi-Sotos
The Rizzorectors
Roast Beef Andrus
Rolen in my 64
Shin Soo Been Gone (provided by CROCKETT)
Sons of Beachy
Storen Wars
Suzuki .314 (Model: Ichiro)
Suzuki .268 (Model: Kurt)
Sweet Chen Music
U Foul. I’m Fowler
Uncle John Buck
Votto Loco
Tsuyoshi's Island
The Wizards of Hos-mer
You Are Werthless
Youkilis Kenny, You Bastard
Your Mother's Father Determines If Ubaldo (provided by CROCKETT)
The Zobrilla Unit

Have a funny suggestion? Post it in the comments section and if it’s worthy, we’ll add it to the list and give you credit.


About Starbonell

Starbonell is the co-founder of Sons of Roto and one of the most insightful and colorful fantasy analysts in the game. Mixing intelligent and well-researched advice with an entertaining style of writing that is easy to digest, Starbonell is the king of info-tainment.