There Is An SP1 On Your Waiver Wire

Arm, Leg, Leg, Arm, Head. I form like Voltron.

Hey party peoples. Back from the woods of Northeastern Minnesota, smelling worse than ever, MDS, who is completely oblivious to your league’s waiver wire, knows there is a top notch quality Starting Pitcher just sitting there… kinda. If you want top 10 SP production, for free, read on my friends.

This post is also known as: How to Build Your Own MR Human Centipede

The idea is simple. You take the body parts of three middle relievers, paste them together (in a well ventilated room) and voila… you have yourself a Starting Pitcher. It’s really that easy. However, the fumes are not the only drawback. With three roster spots being used up to get the production of one Starting Pitcher you must have a solid team. Any team that lacks depth and needs to waste spots on DL’d players or “flyer picks” may not have the roster space required to do work. This practice is more suited for rotisserie leagues, as opposed to the streaming world of head-to-head. And with that, let us exercise.

Available in 70% of all Y! leagues: Vinnie Thornmo
Vinnie Pestano: 2 W, 2.49 ERA, 1.11 WHIP, 29 K in  21.2 IP 
Sergio Romo: 2 W, 0.61 ERA, 0.89 WHIP, 20 K in 14.2 IP 
Matt Thornton: 2 W, 1 SV, 2.86 ERA, 1.23 WHIP, 17 K in 22 IP 
Vinnie Thornmo: 6 W, 1 SV, 2.16 ERA, 1.10 WHIP, 66 K in 58.1 IP

Available in 80% of all Y! leagues: Steve Cook-Burnett
Steve Cishek: 4 W, 1 SV, 1.23 ERA, 1.18 WHIP, 22 K in 22 IP 
Ryan Cook: 1 W, 0.75 ERA, 0.83 WHIP, 21 K in 24 IP 
Sean Burnett: 2 SV, 0.61 ERA, 1.02 WHIP, 19 K in 14.2 IP
Steve Cook-Burnett: 5 W, 2 SV, 0.89 ERA, 1.01 WHIP, 62 K in 60.2 IP

Available in 90% of all Y! leagues: Crowji Bastardo
Aaron Crow: 1 SV, 2.82 ERA, 1.03 WHIP, 21 K in 22.1 IP 
Antonio Bastardo: 2 W, 1.84 ERA, 1.09 WHIP, 18 K in 14.2 IP 
Koji Uehara: 1.45 ERA, 0.54 WHIP, 20 K in 18.2 IP
Crowji Bastardo: 2 W, 1 SV, 2.10 ERA, 0.88 WHIP, 59 K in 55.2 IP

Your very own human centipede may lack in the Win column, but that is offset by the rouge save and possibility of gaining another closer (via injury, trade, demotion). Becoming the Tony LaRussa of your league will pay dividends. I love Middle Relievers so much, in fact, that I have received the green light from Starbonell to stream relievers for our Blog Wars team, which lacks IP and is currently referred to as DL Hughley. The idea there is to drop your middle reliever the night he pitches and look for someone else who hasn’t pitched in two or three days. I might be onto something… or not… we’ll see… first up is Brandon Lyon (don’t ask). I said don’t ask! But since you did Lyon (I know) is pitching well lately, hasn’t thrown since the 28th. He’ll be gone soon, don’t worry.

Time for show and tell; feel free to express your enthusiasm for middle relievers in the comments, and share your frankenstein-like concoctions (including names) in the comment section below.