Real Fantasy Baseball Thugs

Here is a bad idea: buy a bottle of Evan Williams sour mash and talk shit. If you were into the cold, calculated nerd talk from the recent string of sabre stat, luck based posts, bad news: it’s about to get funky up here. Get me on the sour mash and listening to old ass Eazy E youtube vids and it’s on! Meet me after the jump, if you dare.

Warning: I have been drinking. Profanity will ensue. I hold grudges. and I’m a natural born shit (see, I told you) talker. Spell and grammar check were left at home, my editor ran off with Jillian on a love boat. Let’s rumble.

I hate Grady Sizemore. He killed hurt three of my teams, but I recently picked him up off the waiver wire in a dynasty league and I’m already wondering where his ADP will fall next season and whether or not I’ll be willing to give him a third chance (he burnt me last season too). I’m a push over and a sucker sometimes, we all are. I’m sure most just want to avoid this tea cup molesting mofo, but there comes a time during the draft where you’ll want to take a risk for the sweet, sweet reward. It’s early, but where do you have Sizemore in your 2011 OF ranks? Think about it… or not…. not that any of us actually have our ranks worked out, but I don’t see him falling past the top 20 OF. He should be a bargain…. if he’s healthy. Good luck figuring that out.

Did you see THIS? Fangraphs links right next to the player’s name on Yahoo. Beautiful

Poor Yunel Escobar. He still doesn’t have a HR off a fly ball (0% HR/FB%). It’s not good for the self confidence when David Eckstein is packing more punch than you (Gordon Beckham told me). How would you like to be grouped with (other 0% HR/FB% players) Elvis Andrus, Chone Figgins, Jason Kendall, Juan Pierre, Ryan Theriot and Nyger Morgan? The emotional beatdown doesn’t end there for Yunel; he has a .269 BABIP and when he was traded, Yahoo titled the article: Atlanta acquires Gonzalez. As if Yunel was the player-to-be-named. Yunel was the prize piece bitches! Fuck a Alex Gonzalez.

Dre Day only makes Eazy’s payday!

Today I saw Joey Votto listed as a Tier 1 1B with Miguel Cabrera and Albert Pujols at some random website. Prince and Howard were Tier 2. No. No. No. Joey Votto is not that good. He is a Rd 2-3 player posing as a Rd 1 player. His .345 BABIP is coming down (16.9% LD%) and his 25% HR/FB% is elevated too. His numbers are better than they should be. He’s good, but he is not Price Fielder or Ryan Howard good. He isn’t Mark Teixeira good either. Omar Infante is better tha.. Don’t get it twisted.

man, warm Evan Williams sour mash is harsh, where’s my ice cubes Virgil?!?

I haven’t watch a Yankees game this season (the next time will be too soon), but I’m guessing that Derek Jeter is attempting a bunt in every at bat. His 66.3% Ground Ball percentage leads the league and is ten percent over what his career average is. In case you’re wondering what happened to Jetard’s Batting Average (which is .270), check the Line Drive percentage (17.3%). I’m left wondering about the stolen bases. Jeter also has the lowest Fly Ball percentage, which does nothing for his 15.7% HR/FB%. This year was the first time I drafted this sucker, now I hate him even more. Fuck you Jeter. This may be the first time I verbally abused my player, I’m usually supportive unless we’re talking about the ARI bullpen.

next time ARI manages a Save, Kirk Gibson needs to do the fist pump around the bases

We all know that Vladi is a free swinger, but dammmmn Vladi, 48.3% O-Swing%? You swing at half of all pitches outside the strike zone? Really? His career average is 39.1%, Vladi is hacking away this year and it is paying off. There is nothing abnormal about his 20 HR. His LD% is up a smidge, his FB% is normal and his HR/FB% is normal. Vladi hasn’t hit 30 HR since 2005, it’ll be nice to see him get back there and come close to 40 bombs. Can you believe I grabbed him in the 15th Rd of a 14 team league? As Borat would say, “Niiice!”

did Livan Hernandez fade into obscurity yet?

Would you believe me if I said Mark Reynolds has the lowest Contact percentage in the league? Of course you would. But what about Matt Kemp having the 8th lowest? His K% doesn’t quite line up with Carlos Pena or Adam Dunn, but they possibly could. Food for thought.

Marco Scutaro misses the ball only 1.8 times out of 100 swings

The hardest pitcher in the league to hit? Tim Lincecum. His 73.3% Contact% edges out Clayton Kershaw for the title. Yes, Tiny Tim’s control is an issue this season (BB/9 up, Zone% down, F-Strike% down), but he

ok, im done. im eating a pickle, drinking some h2o and tipping over at some point. Red Dead Redemption is a bad ass game. I knew this was a bad idea, check the url lol