To Kill An Auction Bird
We drop dollars on bitches heads.

That’s right, back-to-back auction pieces. Justin and I are the Bash Brothers of Sons of Roto. I am Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire, Justin is Ozzie Canseco. Because every auction draft is different, from the unique tastes each of manager to the personalized nomination order, we realize there are many ways to come out on top. And thus my take on how to kill an auction bird.

Justin’s advice [linkage] is solid. He’s not afraid to leave a dollar on the back of someone’s head to get what he wants. You can tell he’s been playing in deeper leagues where inflation mirrors that of the U.S. economy. The more money you pump into the system (more managers or QE1,QE2 & QE3) the less value your dollar holds. Be prepared to see $4 per gallon gasoline and $50 Troy Tulowitzkis in the coming weeks. The number one mistake that I see pros making is them being too timid while the first few nominations are made. Remember, maximum production beats value.

Nominating Players

Every slobber-filled syllable that is belched from the podium directly influences the draft. And I can’t wait for my turn to nominate an expensive bum or some lackey (possibly named John) from a pool in which I already dipped my toes. Not all my offerings are of the unpleasant sort. Knowing how to take advantage of the player market is what separates the good from the best. You do this by knowing the player pool, monitoring team needs and tracking player prices.

Knowing the player pool just means figuring out how many players will be selected in your draft. Be sure to not make the mistake of picking out a handful of players that you adore and simply ignoring the rest of the player pool. You’ll need to be able to put a price on any player’s head as the names fly off the board. I’ll go ahead and assume you have an online draft application (or hot waitress) that keeps tabs on team needs. If not, you’ll need to hire someone (I hear Yeomans is available). While the draft is undeway be conscious of the available talent and the alterior motives of your opponents.

Every draft will have ebbs and flows when it comes to player price tags. You never know when these shifts will occur so it’s important to track the going rates. I like to do so on my cheat sheet as I cross off names. My rankings then tell me when managers are changing gears. These are times of opportunity. When prices are cheap, look to nominate someone you want. When managers are fighting over scraps, throw out someone like Logan Morrison. Laughing manically while people fight over twenty home runs is not mandatory, but is highly recommended.

There are more tricks to the trade, like forcing position runs. You can’t always get away with “forcing positions” in the real world, so we’ll have to settle for killing an auction bird in the realm of fantasy. Go crazy folks.


You can follow the people who brought to you Maximum Line Drive, the epic of tale of James “Tight Out” Loney taking on killer pop machines and lawn mowers with his 22.2% career LD%, on Twitter [Sons of Roto]. We’d love to hear your auction tips or strategies, make yourself heard.