Felix Jones? Really?


We all know Felix Jones, the Cowboy’s electric speed demon at Running Back. One can’t help, but be reminded of Chris Johnson when he busts out a 18 yard run around the edge. His 5.9 YPC from last season, his No.1 RB label and recent rumors of bulking up have him ranked 55th overall here, 41st overall here, 22nd among RB here and listed as a sleeper at ESPN (they don’t get the bold type). For me, it’s nice to see him being hyped up at well frequented websites, because I hate Felix Jones and I will never, ever, draft him again. I could go off on Felix for days, but I do have some rational thoughts that I’d like to get across before this turns into a death threat. Do you want Felix Jones on your team? That is a rhetorical question, because the answer is a resounding NO!

Would you get excited about a Running Back if I told you he plays for a pass first team that has a Mike Martz wanna-be at Offensive Coordinator? Well what if I told you he is a part-time RB who doesn’t get the goal line carries? What if I said it took him 13 games over the course of two years to finally reach 10 carries in a contest? How about a RB who has a career high of 15 carries in a game? Would you get excited about a RB who has played in only 20 games in the past two seasons? This is Felix Jones; a part-time, fragile, piece of sh…. easy MDS, you’re going too far.

He’s Fragile You know those stickers college teams put on a player’s helmet when they make a big play? Felix deserves a ton of those, but they would all read,  “Fragile. Handle With Care“. Samuel L. Jackson was the second choice to play Mr. Glass in Unbreakable. M. Night Shyamalan wrote the part for Felix. He is a weak, fragile man and this is no secret. Jones missed 11 games in 2008 after carrying the ball only 30 times in the first six weeks of the season. He hurt his hamstring and then tore a ligament WHILE REHABBING. His season ended because of an injury during rehab. No joke. Who knows what happened in 2009, maybe his vag…. whoa whoa whoa, stop right there MDS, you’re doing it again.

He’s a Part-Timer When Felix filled out an application to play for Dallas, he checked the part-time box. He can’t work full-time and isn’t available to work much on the weekends. I don’t care if he has been labeled the No.1 RB in front of Marion Barber III. He’s going to get 15 carries and not much work near the goal line. Marion the Barber Beefcake is still the most valuable back in this three headed committee. Oh yes, Tashard Choice is still in town and he has a nice 5.3 career YPC himself. Felix didn’t even get much work in college. He was behind Darren McFadden and Peyton Hillis. Jones ran the ball only 154 times in his Sophomore season and 123 times in his Junior season. His workload was reduced when he gained a year of experience, what the fu….. sigh, someone get me the Pepto-Bismol.

I don’t care if he is eating Campbell’s Chunky soup and beefed up. Adding muscle is just as likely to lead to injuries as it is to prevent them. Ask Russell Martin how that worked out for him. How is Chipper Jones’ HR total doing? I made a bet with Virgil that Felix will tweak his groin before the season starts. Felix Jones is evil. He is the Mr. Glass of fantasy football. You know those blueprints you saw on Mr. Glass’ wall? Those were Jason Garrett’s plans on throwing the ball to his new toy Dez Bryant. Those newspaper clippings were the tragic events that occurred after everyone drafted him last season. Add in the fact that the Cowboys are worried about their offensive line and you have the recipe for a disaster. If your team was at the airport, Felix Jones would blow something up. If your team was a hotel, Felix Jones would set the place on fire. If your team was a train, Felix Jones would derail that sucker somehow. Now that we know who he is, we know who we will not draft. Drafting him is a mistake. It all makes sense. In fantasy football, you know who the biggest bust is going to be? He is the exact opposite of the hero (Brett Favre). You should have known way back in June, you know why? Because of MDS… he called him Mr. Glass.