NFL Week 2 Notes

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@ThunderingBlurb “When Revis grabbed his hammy I heard Rodney Dangerfield in my head ‘Ooo! My arm! It’s broken!’ #caddyshack
Chris Johnson‘s streak of 100 yards rushing ends at 12 games. PIT stuffed him (16 attempts, 34 yards). Vince Young threw two picks in 10 passing attempts and was pulled for Kerry Collins. Memories of yesteryear come to mind, but VY will be the starting QB come Week Three. Collins to Nate Washington (2 yards) was the only offensive Touchdown in this game. Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Dennis Dixon left with a knee sprain. If that is bad news to you, you’re probably used to bad news. Chuck Batch came up lame, but Jeff Reed (four Field Goals) and the PIT Def carried the team to the W.
Ted Mike Nugent put a stranglehold on Baltimore with his five, count ‘em five, Field Goals. Another game with only one offensive Touchdown (Flacco to Mason, 31 yards). Cedric Benson was given the rock 23 times and Carson Palmer suffered (167 yards). BAL hasn’t given up a Touchdown to a USC quarterback this year! Hopefully CLE doesn’t have to bring in and start John David Booty. Joey Flacco owners must be mad (I wouldn’t know, the hype got to be too much for me), he now has 1 TD to 5 INT. Ray Rice had a useful day (117 total yards), but still doesn’t have a TD after scoring only seven times while piling up over 2,000 total yards last season.Willis McGahee had just three carries, he’s saving his energy to poach Touchdowns from Rice.
Well, I probably owe Jahvid Best an apology for saying he was overrated and a Sell High candidate. I’ll make it up to him via the Corporate Ladder on Wednesday or Thursday. Best tore up the PHI Def for 232 total yards (78/154) and 3 Touchdowns. I don’t know how they allowed it (over blitzing?), but Best busted out runs of 19, 10, 13, 33 and 14 yards (TD). He also caught passes for 75 (TD), 21, 17 and 12 yards. Damn. At least I wasn’t the only one sleeping on Best; he is owned in 96% of Yahoo! leagues, but was started in only 63% of those. This game was packed with all kinds of juicy numbers. Michael Vick threw for 284 yards and two Touchdowns! DeSean Jackson had one of his pattened games, 4 Rec for 135 yards with a long TD. LeSean McCoy made me look good by rushing for 120 yards and three Touchdowns. Maclin and Megatron each pulled in a Touchdown and hidden in all this juiciness, Brandon Pettigrew had the first 100-yard day of his career.
The biggest story here isn’t the score or the fact Matt Ryan actually threw for three Touchdowns; the headliner belongs to Michael Turner‘s tender groin area. Turner left the game after nine carries and didn’t come back (precautionary reasons was the word on the street). Jason Snelling went on to destroy the Cardinals 186 total yards and three Touchdowns. Snelling will be a FAABulous add. Tim Hightower ran for 115 yards on only 11 carries (and didn’t fumble!), while Beanie Wells nursed his beanie on the sidelines. Brian Finneran caught a TD in an attempt to bump Justin Forsett from the Corporate Ladder (I usually drafted the Fin Dog in Madden 04). Derek Anderson sucks (2 INT, pulled) and Roddy White is awesome (78 yards and a TD), but you already knew that.
Brett Favre, you’re dead to me! I got one point from you in two leagues?!? How dare you throw 3 INT. I’m sick of seeing Bernard Berrian on the field and Greg Camarillo on the sidelines. Is there a FireBradChildress.com website yet? Uggggghhh. Guess how I remembered the name John David Booty, Chilly drafted him! Thank goodness for Adrian Peterson (186 total yards, TD), what a joy to watch. Chad Henne connected with Brandon Marshall for a 46 yard bomb on their first play from scrimmage, but he ended up with only 114 yards passing with a TD. Ronnie Brown 13 carries 80 yards, Ricky Williams 10 carries 30 yards, each lost a fumble. Most of Brown’s production came from a 50-yard run. Let us speak no more of this game.
Jerome Harrison led the Browns in carries (16), but Peyton Hillis received the calls at the goal line and scored the only Brown’s TD from inside the red zone. Hillis also led the team in rushing yards off 8 carries. I don’t think Jerome helped his cause by losing a fumble. Hillis and Massaquoi (1 rec, 9 yards) are probably the only Browns who should be rostered. Todd Haley may be 2-0, but there are plenty of Jamaal Charles owners out there plotting on him. If Haley continues to give Thomas Jones twice the number of carries as Charles, he may need to hire bodyguards. Matt Cassel threw two INT while Tony Moeaki led the team in receiving. Yikes.
Carnell Williams had 28 touches! This guy is going to hit the IR at some point this season. I really want to see Kareem Huggins in action once he’s past the groin issue. Josh Freeman had a good day (178 yards passing, two TD, 43 yards rushing). One of those TD went to the Mike Williams (2 rec, 53 yards). Williams is quickly maturing into a stud (you’re welcome for that mental image). Matt Moore threw another INT, enter Jimmy Claussen. Steve Smith was able to haul in a TD pass before Claussen came in. DeAngelo Williams didn’t get much going with his 17 carries (54 yards). Jonathan Stewart was able to pick up 43 yards on 8 carries. This CAR quarterback situation is fugly. At least Steve Smith has two TD already, it could be worse.
Jonathan Antin would be proud of this Blowout. C.J. Spiller = 1 carry. Wow. This pretty much sums of the game: Buffalo blows and Green Bay is a powerhouse. Points taken away if you got the Blowout reference before clicking on the J.A. link. Even more points taken away if you bought his products off the Home Shopping Network.
Matt Forte struggled running the ball (again), but he pulled in his third receiving TD. Felix Jones had 7 carries for 7 yards and continues to be a complete bust. When he gets injured, his owner’s heads will explode. I went ballistic when it happened last year (partly b/c I drafted him pretty early). Jay Cutler was sacked only once and didn’t throw a pick! Aromashodu didn’t catch a pass, Johnny Knox pulled in 4 receptions for 86 yards and Devin Hester caught 4 for 77 yards including a niiiice TD grab. Miles Austin: stud. 10 catches and 142 yards for the man.
Who needs Brandon Marshall? Kyle Orton posted another good line, this time he went for 307 yards and 2 TD. Today, Demaryius Thomas led all Broncos in receiving. Thomas had 8 rec for 97 yards and a TD, Eddie Royal pulled in 5 rec for 65 yards and a TD, Brandon Lloyd followed up his 100-yard performance with 3 rec for 53 yards and Jabar Gaffney had only 15 yards on 2 catches. Gaffney’s stock is slipping. Demaryius Thomas, the first WR taken in the draft, is owned in only 28% of Yahoo! leagues and will be a FAABulous add. Hasselbeck spread the ball around, hitting eight different receivers (11 if we count Broncos defenders). Justin Forsett 8 carries, Leon Washington 4 carries, Julius Jones 4 carries.
If you didn’t jump on the Mark Clayton bandwagon (53% owned), you better do it now. Clayton hauled in only two passes today, but both were for Touchdowns. Justin Forsett, your days as No. 100 are numbered. Steven Jackson piled up 125 total yards, but came away without a TD. Jackson has reached paydirt only four times in his past 17 games. [@ChrisWesseling Darren McFadden: 2nd in NFL in rushing yards, 2nd in first downs, third in rushing attempts, averaging 5.0 yards/carry and 151.5 yards/game]. McFadden set a new personal high with 30 carries. That is only the second time he has reached 20 carries. No TD today, but Run DMC had a good day running for 145 yards. We’ll see what happens when Michael Bush comes back, but I don’t think Bush is too much of a threat to him for now. Jason Campbell was sacked twice and picked off before Bruce Gradkowski entered the 36 chambers. Louis Murphy (6-91-1) AND Darius Heyward-Bey (6-80) had good games. It’s a muracle. In other news, Sebastian Janikowski kicked three Field Goals and I changed my team name to,  Kick His Ass Seabass. I like it, I like it a lot.
I have bad news and more bad news for Ryan Mathews owners. We’ll start with the bad news; Mike Tolbert ganked a 2 yard goal line TD from our boy. Ok, for the bad news; Ryan Mathews was carted off the field with an ankle injury. He came back to the sidelines later in the game, is that good news? After seeing Ryan Grant go down and hit the IR, I’d settle for a high ankle sprain. Obviously Mike Tolbert is a FAABulous add. Forget about that midget Darren Sproles unless you’re in a PPR league that rewards return yardage. MJD stunk up the box scores with 31 yards on 12 carries. He also lost a fumble. Not all the initialed players had a bad game though, MSW went to town with 10 catches for 105 yards and a TD (he lost a fumble too). Rashad Jennings looked good spelling MJD, he tallied 88 total yards on 13 touches. Jennings is a must own for any MJD owner and anyone speculating on those MJD knee injury rumors. If you see Jones-Drew put himself on the trade block, pounce on Jennings! Phillip Rivers went crazy for 334 yards and 3 TD (2 INT) and Malcom got in the middle of it (3-95-1). Lost in all the hoopla, Marcedes Lewis hauled in five receptions for 70 yards.
Just when everyone and they mama were shitting on Mark Dirty Sanchez, he throws for 220 yards and 3 TD against the Pats. Shit, he had a better day than Tom Brady. That ain’t right. Shonn Greene 15 carries, LDT 11 carries. Neither scored. That Randy Moss TD snag was epic. Randy took a three hour tour in the Meadowlands, but was not stranded on Revis Island. Darrelle obviously faked an injury when Moss scored on him with one hand. The Raymo TD was great, but the day belonged to a pair of sleepers at the TE position. Dustin Keller made up for his blunder last week by hauling in 7 receptions for 445 feet and a TD. On the other side of the ball, Aaron Hernandez caught 6 passes for 101 yards. Hernandez looks like a true play-maker when the ball is in his hands.
Matt Schaub (497) and Donovan McNabb (426) combined to throw for 923 yards and four TD. Andre Johnson did his best Andre Johnson impression by grabbing 12 passes for 158 yards and a TD. Kevin Walter, obviously motivated by his Corporate Ladder snub, went bananas (11-144-1). Jacoby Jones got in on the action too (6-53-1). Amazingly, no WAS receiver hit the 100-yard mark. Clinton Portis scored twice (33 yards on 13 carries though). How did Arian Foster follow up his monstrous Week One? He ran for 69 yards, tallied 69 yards receiving, but ironically, he didn’t score.
This game reminded me of my glory days. When I was 15-years old, picking on my 13-year old brother. Sweet, sweet memories. Eli was sacked four times, threw a pick, but managed to connect with Hakeem Nicks for another TD. Nicks is up to four Touchdowns now, after being labeled as Questionable for the game. With Hakeem banged up a little bit, Mario Manningham made the best of his opportunity (4-75-1). Steve Smith (4-35) and Brandon Jacobs (8 yards) continue to be draft day flops. I think Jacobs helmet gained more yards than he did today. The guy loses a little weight and thinks he can dance behind the line now. Hit the hole Jacobs, hit the hole. Donald Brown scored the only rushing TD of the day. We all know Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark are play-makers, but Austin Collie (4-25) scored another TD. Pierre Garcon stunk it up again, he pulled in one catch for 11 yards. Prepare to be demoted Garcon, your Corporate Ladder status is slipping.
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