Just like it’s counterpart, the NFL, injuries lead to a high turnover rate in the world of fantasy football. The champions of 2009 are the decapitated, ankles-glued-back-together bodies of today. Remember, it’s not your fault.
So your team went 5-8. You lost. The fat lady has sung. It’s all over… well, kind of. One very important part of the fantasy football season remains: it’s time to roll out the excuses. Most people would show weakness at a time like this by posting silly messages like, “Congrats to everyone who made the playoffs”, but not me; not MDS. This is the time of the season when you reinforce the notion of your superiority, whether you won or not. I don’t know about your losses, but my Big L’s are not the fault of my own. I can justify them. I have good reasons to why I didn’t win. I have excuses. Make the jump to see the Top Ten Excuses to why you didn’t win your fantasy football league.
10) “I forgot to draft Tim Tebow.” We all know damn well you didn’t leave Tim Tebow out of your preseason Top 10 QB. The Hanes-pushing bible banger is the best QB in the NFL who can’t throw a football. I have to admit I was a full-fledged anti-Tebite, but after trading for him I found myself striking a pose at restaurants, grocery stores and even port-a-potties. If you’ve never rostered Tebow I wouldn’t expect you to understand. If you lost, it’s probably because you forgot to draft Tim Tebow.
9) “We drafted in June or July.” 90% of the grudges held against Peyton Manning are carried out by those who couldn’t resist the temptation of drafting a fantasy football team in June or July. Those very same people still haven’t forgiven Brett Favre or Sidney Rice from yesteryear. I know I haven’t forgiven them rat bastards. Here’s an idea Sidney: hold off on surgery. I heard the cool breeze of Autumn helps speed up recovery. I’ll kill him! These people are a bitter group. They probably lost because they drafted in June or July.
8) “These league settings are terrible.” From a technical standpoint this excuse holds no merit. It’s just that some of our losses are so large that we need to use multiple excuses. We wouldn’t want to use this as our primary scapegoat. This one is also used to infuriate league commissioners or those who are easily agitated. If we’re going to be mad about losing, we might as well make others mad too.
7) “The Kicker that I drafted in the 9th round sucked!” OK. This one was your fault. The only time you draft a kicker before the last round is in formats that use two kickers.
6) “Someone told me to draft Michael Vick with the No. 1 overall pick.” I’m not saying… I’m just saying.
5) “______ and I lost Internet for five days.” You wouldn’t believe how many cars, trucks and even spaceships crash into utility boxes and/or homes just before optimal lineups are to be set. I’ve seen this excuse used in numerous blog leagues. This is the excuse the pros use.
4) “I auto-drafted this team.” I used this excuse once, even though everyone seen me at the draft. You may have to really sell this one. “Remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.” – George Costanza
3) “Cam freakin’ Newton.” The icon. The entertainer. The 14th round pick (or free agent after most drafts) absolutely destroyed teams in Week 13. His 204 yards passing (TD), 54 yards rushing (3 more scores) and 27 yards receiving went unmatched. Not even the all-being Aaron Rodgers or his mortal son Matthew Stafford could keep pace with the rookie QB. When Sir Cam Newton goes up, the rest of us must come down.
2) “I-N-J-U-R-I-E-S.” This is the go-to excuse. The fail safe. Every manager dealt with injuries. I’d be happy to tell the tale of the time I drafted Jamaal Charles, Peyton Hillis and Adrian Peterson. Kyle Orton was my QB. And I forgot to draft Tim Tebow. It was radical. The only people who cannot use this excuse are those who drafted Ahmad Bradshaw, Marques Colston, Sidney Rice or anyone else Don Brown told you to avoid (ignore the part where it says Peyton Hillis).
1) “I faced the highest scoring team every week!” This is my favorite excuse to use, especially if it’s not true. This story is true, however: I scored the third most points in Blog Wars after playing each team once. And I’m watching the playoffs from the outside… tapping on the window… and nobody is letting me inside. These losses can be demoralizing. To all my fellow high-scoring million dollar managers who missed out on the late season fun: keep ya head up.
Fantasy football can be a crapshoot. The short schedule, the head-to-head format, bye weeks and injuries can reak havoc on any league. Remember, it’s not your fault that you lost. Tell yourself exactly how awesome you are, and then tell everyone else in your league.