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Talking Shop: Fantasy BBall Draft Strategum

Draft strategy is simple; take the best players. It also helps if you draft the best players who don’t beat women or children. Sorry, I hate my fantasy football team. If 7 of your 11 footballers are hurt/suspended or you just want to talk shop break on through to the other side.

2013 Rankings and Projections: Shortstop

I'll be over here while you're chasing the young guy Photo: Keith Allison The fantasy baseball community has become a dark, futuristic society. The common theme now is to shun and bury old players while boasting the unlimited futures of young players. Does it matter when the prospect has no track record of doing anything worthwhile? No. […]

2013 Rankings and Projections: Second Base

Only Josh Reddick will hit more fly balls than me. But he's a serial masturbator. Photo: Red3biggs While Robinson Cano sits atop all 2B cheat sheets, it is Ian Kinsler who has the most potential. Cano is a safe bet for greatness, but he has no chance of pushing a 30/30 season, which Kinsler has […]

Fantasy Gods Love Uggla

Get in there Uggla. My butt hurts after drafting you last year. Photo: Kintetsubuffalo Despite what you've read, Dan Uggla is not dead. Do not inhale the white smoke. Put away the black ensemble. Do not shed a tear. Fake experts across the world have buried a man alive. Much like Dianne Feinstein, these so-called experts fear […]

2013 Rankings and Projections: First Base

You don't want Butler manning 1B for you. Foot on the bag Billy! I like Big Butlers and I cannot lie. OK that was a lie. I do not like big, fat Billy Butlers. How can a guy hit home runs and steal bases when his man breasts are flopping around? Do not pay for the […]

2013 Rankings and Projections: Catcher

Whoever is drafting Yadier Molina in Rd 4 deserves to be donkey punched into oblivion. Photo: shgmom56 It's true what they say, "If you draft a catcher early, it means you like to take it in the butt." There is nothing wrong if you're the guy who drafts Buster Posey, but please spare us from the Bust Her Posey […]

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How to Catch a Boot: Trolling for Trout

Duuuuh, why does MDS keep talking 'bout me? Photo Credit: Keith Allison Mike Trout's 2012 season is much like a fishing story. It just seems to get more extravagant with each telling of the tale. I've heard the fables, "Oh man, I caught this 12-pound walleye in my bath tub!" When in reality, the guy probably dropped […]

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2013 Rankings and Projections: OF

Photo Credit: Keith Allison   I'll keep this short and sweet. I have no respect for your feelings, so when you see Mike Trout is not my No. 1 Outfielder (oh my god!), go ahead and talk trash; see if I care. It's like the time I became the Internet's Most Hated Man when I said Eric Hosmer is a […]

Fantasy Baseball 2013: Mister MR

Did Ryan Madson fix his broken wing? Will Frank Francisco learn to fly again? Will the book of love open up and let Bruce Rondon in? So many burning questions; and it's only February. I'm looking at 20+ Closers that could go down in flames. I anticipate a lot of heartache during the hot summer. But have […]

SP Projection Notes

There will be no fancy introduction. The revolution will not be televised. The rabbit hole awaits you. Go. I could have ranked Clayton Kershaw as my fourth SP, behind Justin Verlander, Stephen Strasburg and Cliff Lee, but I never pay top price for any Starting Pitcher. Ole' peg leg does not concern me. Press the ignore […]

2013 Rankings and Projections: SP

"Don't look at me! You're a dirty, stinking hippy. And you can't throw a strike!" The Million Dollar Projections are back! This year I decided to honor all those goombas who talk trash at someone, but aptly describe themselves when doing so. If you haven't been the victim of projection, Tim Lincecum is looking at you kid. If […]

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There Is An SP1 On Your Waiver Wire

Arm, Leg, Leg, Arm, Head. I form like Voltron.  Hey party peoples. Back from the woods of Northeastern Minnesota, smelling worse than ever, MDS, who is completely oblivious to your league’s waiver wire, knows there is a top notch quality Starting Pitcher just sitting there… kinda. If you want top 10 SP production, for free, […]

To Kill An Auction Bird

http://youtube.com/watch?v= GH3QHUI-XUE[/youtube] We drop dollars on bitches heads. That’s right, back-to-back auction pieces. Justin and I are the Bash Brothers of Sons of Roto. I am Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire, Justin is Ozzie Canseco. Because every auction draft is different, from the unique tastes each of manager to the personalized nomination order, we realize […]

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Starting Pitcher Rankings (1-20)

Pictured: Clayton Kershaw and someone who represents the rest of MLB pitchers. Photo Credit: Vinscullyismyhomeboy.com It’s that time. Starbonell urged me to name this Aching for Clayton, but his (obsessive) feelings for all things American Idol will not affect my writing. We’re ranking the top 20 Starting Pitchers for the 2012 fantasy baseball season. You […]

Come With Us, We’ll Sail the Seas of Cheese

http://youtube.com/watch?v= K7jiCCqPn_Q[/youtube] “When the going gets toughAnd the stomach acids flowThe cold wind of conformityIs nipping at your noseSome trendy new atrocityHas brought you to your kneesCome with us, we’ll sail the seas of cheese.” Could Primus have better described the feeling of being snaked on your favorite sleeper? I’m pretty sure Les Claypool was […]

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